


You'll be my Suicide Note

by ywhiterain



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: F/M, Suicide, seaon four au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ywhiterain/pseuds/ywhiterain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elena chooses not to transition. 3x22 AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll be my Suicide Note

"How did you find me?" Elena asked.

Stefan pushed his shoulders up as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "No one would think to find you here."

Elena turned around and they were standing face to face. But between them, were dozens of feet of soil, grass, and stone. "Except you."

"Except me."

Elena nodded. "Will show me about where your room was?"

Stefan walked the short distance to the crumbling stones and dirt that marked where he slept as a human. Elena followed him. She sat down so he did as well. They were both silent as the last of the sun slipped away. And when the warm day was a cool night, Elena scooted over and into his arms.

Stefan wrapped his arms around her and set his chin on top of her head. When he closed his eyes, she spoke.

"I'm going to die."

Stefan moved his hand up to her stomach and chest and rested it on the base of her neck. Her heart was beating steadily. "I know."

Elena shifted in order to get comfortable. "Why aren't you stopping me?"

Here were the things Stefan didn't say: 'I'm not Damon.' 'I know you've never wanted to be a vampire.' 'I've never wanted to make choices for you.' 

Here was the lie he wanted to have said: 'I no longer have any right to ask you to keep fighting.'

Here was the lie he should have said: 'You've fought longer and harder than anyone could ever expect. It's okay if you want to rest.'

Here was what said: "I'm not strong enough to do that anymore."

Elena's hair brushed across his jaw as she nodded. "Can you tell Caroline that this was my choice? Tell her that I was strong?"

"I will," Stefan said and kissed the side of her forehead.

"It'll be a lie," Elena said. She turned around to look at him. "I'm going to ask you to tell so many lies."

Stefan pulled her closer. "I was standing over there," he tilted his head to where he'd buried Damon's daylight ring a year ago, "when I asked you to lie for me."

Elena settled back against his chest. "Thank you."

Stefan counted her beating twenty times before she spoke again. "Tell Matt I don't want him to blame himself. Tell him that I _didn't_ jump off the bridge."

"I will," Stefan said kissed the bottom her jaw.

"But I did," she said. She tilted her head to the side and he pressed his lips against her neck. "I stopped fighting as soon as you took hold of Matt. Are you angry?"

 _Yes_ Stefan was going to say but her heart began to slow down. "I'm just going to miss you."

As Stefan pressed his hand down against her chest, Elena curled her fingers around his and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry, Stefan."

"I know," he said.

Elena took a deep breath. "I wrote some things in my diary this morning." Stefan remembered her scribbling in it while everyone around her debated on the best way for Elena to transition. That was when Stefan was completely sure she was going to die. When she'd left her house, Stefan had distracted her family and Damon for as long as he could. "Give it to Bonnie. Give all my diaries to Bonnie. And just tell her." Her head fell against his neck. "Just tell her I'm so sorry."

"I will," Stefan said and kissed her cheek.

"Tell Tyler thank you," Elena said.

As she closed her eyes, Stefan pressed a kiss on her brow.

For awhile, Elena was quiet. Stefan watched the wind blow gently through her hair and felt her heart start to die beneath his hand. 

"Tell Damon not to do something too stupid," Elena said. Her voice was a soft echo of her usual strength.

Stefan rubbed the hand not tracking her heart up and down her side in a futile attempt to bring warmth to her body. "I don't think even you could get him to do that."

Elena laughter was strong and sure and she had to gasp for breath when it, much to quickly, faded away. "I know, but he'll expect it."

"I'll do what I can," Stefan said and kissed her shoulder. The material of her shirt felt a little rough against his lips.

"When he's ready," her voice melted with the wind, "tell him that one of the things I regret most is that I never got to figure out what we were."

"Is that a lie?" Stefan asked.

"I don't know," Elena said, "don't ever let him know that."

"I'll take it to my grave," Stefan said, his father ghosting through his head. He kissed her hair.

"There's nothing I could ever say to Jeremy," Elena said, "just don't let him self-destruct completely. Compel him if you have to."

Stefan had forced his brother to turn so he could have Damon forever. Elena was choosing to die away from her brother so she didn't have to look at his face when he realized what she was doing. Stefan wasn't sure which was more selfish. "I will," he said and kissed her lips. "I'll do everything that you've just asked."

Elena gathered strength and turned around so that they were face to face. "And now I'm going to do the most selfish and hypocritical thing I've ever done." Stefan's hands slipped to her hips. He could no longer feel her heart die. "Keep fighting."

Stefan opened his mouth to say _I can't_ or maybe _I will_ but he couldn't seem to make his voice work.

"I know everything that you can be," Elena said, "and I want you to be that man."

"I can't promise you I will," Stefan said. There was no time to think about the right things to say. He could hear her heart make its last desperate attempts to keep her alive. She pressed her forehead against his. "But I'll promise to remember to try."

"Good," she said and kissed him with an open mouth.

She moved her hands down his back and he kept her steady with his hands on her hips and they kissed until she slumped into his arms, dead. 

Stefan cradled her in his arms on the land he was born and thought part of him had just died as well.


End file.
